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Raising an Average Child
by Kimberly Allen
CASM Children’s Ministry Director
I can imagine that you are already feeling a bit uncomfortable with the title of this month’s article. Who wants their child to be “just average”?!? Our culture advocates strong parental involvement in pushing our children to greater and greater heights of success in academics, athletics, drama and music, among other things. However, by the law of averages, not every child will achieve greatness. Here are a few sobering statistics from the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) regarding the odds a high school student will reach the professional level in sports:
- National Football League (NFL): 8 in 10,000
- National Basketball Association (NBA): 3 in 10,000
- Women’s National Basketball Assoc.(WNBA): 1 in 5,000
- Major League Baseball (MLB): 1 in 200
- Major League Soccer (MLS): 1 in 1250
The odds are even steeper when you look at actors, dancers, and musicians; however, this doesn’t mean every child is destined to live an unsuccessful life. Our current culture seems to be a fame culture via YouTube and reality talent shows that send a message to our children’s minds and hearts that they, too, should be famous and that if they’re not, they are failures. The temptation for parents to buy into this belief only adds to the problem (Matt.6:21; Ps.1:1-2).
The reality is that not every child will be head of the class, captain of the team, or first chair in the orchestra. Nor is every kid extremely gifted or talented in one area or another. Helping our children to think rightly of academic, athletic, and musical success can be one of the most important parental tasks we have. We need to teach our children that trying their hardest does not guarantee they will always succeed, but when they do their best, it honors God and develops their gifts and character.
One way to refocus our attention from the wrong emphasis on success is to redefine success, God’s way (Ps.37:5; Matt.6:33). Remind your children that just because they’re on top now doesn’t mean they’ll be on top later, and just because they’re on the bottom now doesn’t mean they’ll have to stay on the bottom. The Bible is full of real examples to share: Jesus, Noah, Moses, David, Mary, Esther, Daniel, Deborah, and Paul, to name a few. Each of these heroes reflects values we ought to have as believers in Christ and want to instill in our children.
Another way to refocus our attention is to not become overly involved in your child’s successes or failures. Think about how often you introduce your child as, the honor student, the talented one, and the sports star. When we view their successes or failures as a reflection of our own abilities as a mother or a father, we can risk missing God’s view for parenting, which involves building godly character.
Beyond meeting the basic needs, our primary role as parents is to help them identify and use their talents to the best of their abilities (without fixating on them) for three main purposes: to shout the name of God, to bless and encourage others, and to find joy.
A strategy I recently discovered to help parents is the analogy of fire safety—Stop, Drop, and Roll—when thinking about success or failure. When faced with issues that challenge us, we should Stop and think, “What are my real motivations? Is this best for the kids or is this my issue?” Then Drop and pray, asking for wisdom and talking to other believers to get valuable insights before moving forward. Then Roll, either by moving forward or by letting your child take it from there. Continually asking these questions about your motivation keeps us and our expectations in check.
