When The Kids Move Out

When The Kids Move Out

Kimberly Allen, CASM Children’s Ministry Director

As I write this month’s parenting article, I’m just days away from my daughter moving away to Los Angeles. This is a big, momentous step in her life as she navigates adulthood and independence. Yes, she’s been living away in an apartment for a few years, but that was here…in Phoenix…only 20 minutes away. Now, my 23-year-old “baby” will be six hours away—390 miles, to be exact. So, as I allow God to continue to break me of my lame attempts to control the universe, or at least the part of it my daughter inhabits, I share with you my experience.

Far more suddenly than I expected, my role of parent has changed. My son and daughter are living their lives independent of me with goals and dreams of their own. No more babies crying, Sesame Street, fighting over who get the front seat in the car, headless Barbies, action figures, video games, or music shaking the walls. After 25 years, the house is so quiet, except for the occasional meow of her cat, which she left in my possession to care for.

I will be the first to acknowledge that I haven't been a world-champion parent, but I’ve done the best I knew how. The past several years have presented their share of heartaches as well as joys, as I've tried to help guide my children into young adulthood. An interesting sidenote along the way, despite what all those childrearing books may tell you, there's no fail-safe instruction manual for raising children. Even for those parents who do everything right, sometimes kids still make bad choices. Just ask God.

The Bible has a great deal to say about the way we can successfully raise our children to be men and women of God. The first thing we must do is teach them the truth about God's Word. Along with loving God and being a godly example by committing ourselves to His commands, we need to follow the command of Deuteronomy 6:7-9 regarding our children. Your kids may not always have seen the world's greatest parent, but if they saw your love for Word of God, remembered your prayers with and for them, and saw you make Christ the priority of the home, then you have parented well (Prov.22:6).

So here we are, still in our 40s or 50s, and the nest is empty. Now what? Among our group of friends, we may be the first in this empty nest phase. They all want to know what it's like, as if we've reached the shore of some new land. In some ways, we have: as we learn a new language of communication, the new culture and customs of parenting an adult child, and adjusting to a new environment. Certainly there's a sadness that accompanies this transition, but it's also exciting, surprising, and revealing. Because I want her to succeed in this new venture and I can’t reattach her umbilical cord, I will make sure to have all communication lines open and available, including but not limited to: email, text, Facebook, Twitter, and Skype. I’m also learning…to just listen without advice, unless asked.

As I prepare to leave my daughter in her new home, my “new normal” as a parent is to be thankful for the time God has given me with her, to pray for her always, and to believe that He loves her, cares for her, and will protect her far more than I ever could.